if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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