when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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