her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
