Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Alive.
So much puke
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
