I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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