security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize