just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
