Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
