The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
