I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
