So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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