Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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