Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize