You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
They took my balls.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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