If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
