you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
