his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
