THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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