Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
