I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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