matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
