Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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