apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
