Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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