I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
