haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
