Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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