Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
