Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
