and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
