I just pynch a tree in the face
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
