so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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