ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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