You're earring is so big in my mouth
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
