I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
