did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize