is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
