I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
