i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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