i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
