All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
