I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Holy sore nipples Batman
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
