How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
