and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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