someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
