I heard we made out
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
did you just send me my own nude
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
