I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
