Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
