My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
