My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I could make wine with my vomit
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
