I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
