I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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