I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
