so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
