Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
