i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Woke up backwards on a recliner
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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