Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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