I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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