This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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