the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize