you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
