i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
