It's like God shit irony all over that family
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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