I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You ruined the universe
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
