I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
