Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
