Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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