my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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