I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
