he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
