Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
