Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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