sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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