loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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