god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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