When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
