I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
if only i could text you this smell
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
